Listen to me now! Get your butt out of that bed and into the shower! It reeks in this bedroom, and you’re the problem. The landlord is one step away from calling the health inspector, and you’re lying in here moaning about cramps and bloating. What kind of loser are you?

You are woman! You can fight PMS! Women have ruled the White House (thanks Hilary!). They have fought and saved lives in Iraq and Afghanistan. Women are putting out fires and catching criminals. And you can’t get out of bed because of PMS?

Yes, you can! These four secrets will get you up and on your feet in no time at all. Trust me, you will never look at PMS the same.

1) Get out of bed. No matter how bad you feel, get up out of bed and enhance your true beauty. Don’t just put on sweat pants and tie your hair back in an unattractive bun. Glamorize yourself. This is the first blow to PMS. PMS cannot be successful if it does not make you look like a hot mess.

2) Be organized. During PMS, because of hormone changes, many women feel overwhelmed by the tasks they normally deal with effortlessly. Plan your day and stick to the schedule. Accept no excuses; hit PMS where it hurts. One of the primary goals of PMS is to disrupt your life. But by being organized, you have weakened your opponent greatly.

3) Don’t sweat the small stuff. PMS loves drama, so don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Does it really matter if your husband can’t put the television remote where it is supposed to be placed? Is this enough of a reason to make him sleep on the couch? I think not. In the end, none of the small stuff matters. Now, if your husband doesn’t come home because he can’t remember where he’s supposed to be – that’s a totally different story.

4) Eat and drink healthy. Yes, you love the chocolate we all do, but it’s filled with caffeine, a stimulant, you know. If you eat it to feed that craving, then your cramps will worsen. You also need to drink tons of water to replace what you’re losing and keep your body’s metabolism balanced. Water and not soft drinks? I know, I know. Dry those tears. It’s only for a short time; you can do it. This is usually where most women fall, but not you. You’re a survivor – remember that!

Store these secrets in your mind now. To keep them from the dreaded enemy, this post will self destruct in ten seconds. What are you waiting for? You want to see it? Get your butt out of bed and destroy PMS now!